Maybe
by EmoKitten
Summary: I have kept my promise, Spashley lovers. Here's a look inside our cutest blonde's head about her favorite brunette.


**Maybe**

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own South of Nowhere, I even checked, double checked and that's still a negative captain! Tom Lynch (God) owns them all…Waah!

Summary: Here you go, as promised, a look inside Spencer's head.

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Maybe, just maybe, one of these days I can tell her. Tell her that I can't stop thinking about her. Tell her that I just want to be with her. Tell her that I love her.

Yes, the words bounce around in my head, making me dizzy, lost, confused. But I know they're true. I love Ashley, that's the only thing I know is right, right now.

But now, as I'm watching her write in her songbook, lyrics and lines that make no sense, at least not to anyone but her. She's concentrating so hard, biting her bottom lip, and she's got her eyes closed tight, like she's looking inside her head for the lines.

I laugh, and she looks up from her work, smiling over at me.

"Something funny Spence?" She asks.

My heart skips a beat whenever she calls me by the nickname she's so lovingly given me, but I don't tell her that. I don't tell her much actually.

"Yeah, you." I smile, looking down to hide my blush.

"Well, I'm glad I could entertain you Ms. Carlin." She smiles again before launching herself back into the depths of her mind. Her beautiful, amazing mind.

I turn back to my work as well; I was supposed to be doing my math homework, but who can concentrate on that when Ashley Davies is sitting right in front of them?

I hear her muttering words, testing how they sound falling from her lips, and I smile again.

She suddenly sits straight up, glancing around the quad for something. She breathes a sigh of relief and pulls a pack of cigarettes from her pocket. From the other pocket she removes the rainbow colored lighter that I got her.

She pulls out a stick, apple green and lights it, quickly putting the pack and lighter away. I watch, amazed, worried, as she brought the stick to her mouth, letting it pass her perfect lips and enter her warm mouth.

"You shouldn't, you might get caught…" I whisper almost desperately to her. "Ash!"

"Oh please, it's not like they care, it's just a way of killing me faster to them." Ashley snorts, and I can't help but think that it's true.

I shake my head and turn away, trying to ignore the fact that she's right. I don't like to think that not many people care about her and that those that do care always let her down in some way or another. I promise to myself and to her that I will never let her down. She doesn't deserve that kind of pain anymore.

I smile. I seem to do that a lot when I'm around Ashley. I just can't seem to help it, you know? She has that presence, that aura about her, that draws people to her but then they find out that she's gay and they leave and forget all the things that drew them to Ashley in the first place.

I know they don't really care about her and that she could care less that they don't care. But she knows I'm different. I care. And that makes me different. Special, scary.

I know I scare her. Because I do care. She doesn't have a very caring family, so actually being cared for scares her. And I understand that. I try not to push it, either.

I mean, as much as I want to get close to her, dying to be there for her, I don't want to scare her off. So I won't push her and she won't push me.

I know she wants me, I've seen it in her eyes. And I know she's seen it in mine. It doesn't matter where we are, or what we're doing, we have these secret, almost covert glimpses that we send each other.

The first time I realized we were having these _'moments'_ I laughed. Not while we were having a _'moment'_ mind you. But when she dropped me off at home, I went to my room, fell on my bed and laughed, not bothering to hide my blush.

We don't hide our _'moments'_ anymore. It seems so natural. My time with Ashley, just being with her, around her. Like I can't get enough of her. Ha-ha, the girl's become my drug of choice.

She's looking at me again, and I pretend not to notice. It doesn't work and she laughs. I try desperately to ignore her, to focus on my homework. And we're quiet again. But that doesn't last long. It could never last long with Ashley and I.

So now I just look over at her and smile, a quick blush rising to my cheeks, something she does notice. She smiles back and I shake my head at her, wondering how this wild but lonely girl wormed her way into my heart so quickly.

Am I really that much of a sap?

Maybe. Just maybe.

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How was that one? Should I write another one for Ashley? About Spencer or Aiden? Hmmm…Tell me what you think. R & R please and thank you.

-EmoKitten


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